Rise

Last Saturday, on our way home, I decided to finally confess to a good friend of mine, about the reason why I am depressed and why I am soooo down lately. There are times when were having fun, and after a blink of an eye, I shift to this really bad mood and I begin to keep quiet, and not talk to anyone. And this good friend of mine has been asking me why I shift to bad mood easily and all, but then, I refused to tell him the real reason why. So last night, since I was feeling sooo bad again, I talked to him. He listened. He was there to help. He was right there. He’s one of my best friends.

Prior to that talk, I focused myself on the pain I was feeling. Most, if not all of the time, I thought of HIM, thought of where HE probably was, of what HE was probably doing, I analyzed everything that was connected to HIM. That was all that I could think of. With the words that my friend said last night, I began to think of myself. I began to think of fun things, of my friends, and most of all, I began to realize that there are things I did not appreciate just because I focused myself on HIM.

Listening to what my friend was telling me last night made me think and reflect on stuff. For one- that I failed to appreciate other things because I focused too much on one person who was not even there for me, who left me during the time when I did not expect him to leave. I mean, I knew one day he would go, but I never knew it was gonna be too soon. I failed to appreciate my mama, who arrived from the States, I failed to appreciate the blessings that came my way. I failed to appreciate my friends who made efforts to help me. I failed to appreciate a whole lot more. I also realized that ever since I was young, I was pressured to be intelligent in school, to get honors, and to be the best student that I could be. And now that I am older, being “book smart” for me, is less important. What I should learn now is how to be “street smart”.. how to deal with other people, and how to deal with myself. That’s something I gotta work hard for.

Falling for someone you’ll never have is really painful. No words could explain the pain I’m feeling, but then again, I took the risk, and with open hands, I am facing the consequences of my actions. What’s important is that I learned from what happened.

And now, after falling, hitting the ground, and feeling all the hurts and the pains, I can now say that I’m ready to RISE again..